Real Work - it's not what you think.

Receiving without judgment or shame

Next week I am going away on my own for a meditation retreat with my coaching community. In the meantime my kitchen is in the process of being renovated exactly as I envisioned. Last month my husband and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary in Napa without the kids. And next month we were invited to join friends for vacations.

All this sounds like I am living the life and the truth is I am. It is not that I have finally arrived after all my hard work, it is that I have realized the truth:

I am deserving of all the goodness I have in my life simply because. Not because of hard work or struggle, not because of a plan I have followed, but because I love myself (and so are you!)

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

Still there is a former version of myself that is saying, “this is too much and you don’t deserve it.” I have wanted these experiences for myself for a long time and believed I was not worthy of it. I would unconsciously block fun and loving experiences because, “who am I to be so incredibly blessed, loved, relaxed, etc. ?”

Though it is not my first time going on a retreat or traveling, it is the first time I am going without justifying why I want to go. In other words, I signed up, invested and am going because I want to versus because I need to in order to achieve x,y,z. 

My mind has all the reasons in the world why I don’t need this and it is selfish. It also has a bunch of reasons why I “should” go and all the things I’ll gain from it. But the truth is I no longer mind either of these voices or their opinions. They are in the back seat and I am in the driver seat.

Photo by Goutham Krishna on Unsplash

I know for certain that I am deserving of this and that I am here to give it to myself. I know that I am enough. I know that it doesn’t matter how it looks on paper and I don’t have to suffer in order to receive what life is here to give me. 

I don’t feel that I manifested any of this, though some call it that, I believe that I got out of my own way through practicing presence and said YES even if it was uncomfortable and scary and even though others might roll their eyes.

Take some time to consider this:

For all the things you want to receive or create for yourself, I wonder if it is not about getting it, manifesting it, or making it happen but about being willing to receive it.

By being willing to receive it, I mean clearing out the lies you have believed about yourself, around why you don’t deserve the love (abundance, relationship, business, creative project, family) that you seek. We all have them and it is time to let them go.

This is your work, not the work of the universe or outer circumstances. This is your part - get the shame, judgment, fear and lack of deservingness out of the way and step fully into love. Become aware of the stories you repeat often to yourself about responsibility, about others, about how things didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Become aware because deep down it is NOT about that. The love is here waiting for you to be ready.