Voices Within
Determining Which To Listen To
Inner Coach vs. Inner Critic
In many life circumstances we are being influenced by our inner critic. A loud voice of judgment and perfection – you can never do right by the inner critic. You will spend a lifetime trying to please and appease them, listening to their rules and instructions only to feel deeply unhappy and incomplete.
The voice of the inner critic is rigid and cold. It wants the best of the best and unfortunately, your efforts will never be good enough. If you are hard on yourself, never feel like you are good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, successful enough - you likely have a codependent relationship with your inner critic.
This voice becomes louder whenever you are trying something new and stepping outside of your comfort zone. It wants success now and without awareness it may be running you into a dark hole. OR keeping you stuck in the same spot.
It’s important to be aware of your inner critic and even more important to override its constant push towards perfection.
But how? Let’s move our attention to another constant (yet quiet) voice within us. The voice of the inner coach.
Inner Coach
Aka spirit, heart, soul, mother, higher or deeper voice
This voice is the one that reminds you that everything is going to workout and be ok. It’s always in the background and most of the time it goes unnoticed. It isn’t heard as much as it is felt.
It comes from a higher place or a deeper place within you. You can access this voice whenever you need and it will always lead you in an authentic heart led direction. When you listen to this voice, you feel nurtured, soothed and remember that life is so much bigger than it seems.
This voice doesn’t desire perfection and doesn’t judge, it listens and it affirms that your greatest fears about yourself and about life are none other than one big shadow streaming from a bright light.
In many ways, we are more familiar with the voice of the inner critic but we actually KNOW the voice of the inner coach. It is our voice, God’s voice, the voice we will ultimately listen to if we slow down enough to hear it. Most importantly, if we are willing to hear it.
Trust and Choice
You might wonder – Why wouldn’t I be willing to hear it? If it is always here and guiding me – why do I feel scared, alone, confused, lost? This answer is simple.
It’s the voice that you're choosing and trusting. The louder one gets all the attention. Kinda like the media. It doesn’t have to be true but because it sounds true, makes some sense, creates an element of fear and others believe it… You Choose To Listen To It Too. Plus you’ve been listening to it your whole life so it's familiar and comfy.
There is part of you that cannot hear or trust the inner coach, you block it out by covering your ears and walking away. Oftentimes there is some pain that is present and we don’t want to feel it. It is probably the same pain that was present when we started to hear the inner critic louder as a child.
The pain wanted to be felt and processed. It was a natural human emotion and experience – fear, confusion, sadness, disappointment and it didn’t feel good. A truthful reminder * Just because something doesn’t feel good, doesn’t mean it is wrong or you did anything wrong to make it that way.
Another reminder* change is constant, the feelings or emotions that you don’t want to feel won’t stay stuck in time, they will move on and so will you.
Weaving It All Together
Two Voices, One Choice
The voice of the inner critic is louder and you are familiar with it. It wants perfection out of fear. It desires to earn love and prove worthiness by being a certain way. It adds stress and fear in order to overcome stress fear. In other words, your left unhappily spinning.
The voice of the inner coach is quiet and you know it on a deeper level even if you have not listened to it. It is soothing, nurturing and accepts you just as you are. It doesn’t believe in earning or proving love from outside yourself – it is the greatest LOVE that is within yourself. It cools the fire of stress and calms the waves of emotions. In other words, you feel like everything is ok and you are enough.
These are both constant voices in your head and you can choose which one you listen to - the fake news that makes you feel terrible or the real news that is calming and trusting.
Getting to Know Each
An exercise.
Write from both voices and see what they have to say.
First, choose a challenge you are currently facing and write down how you are feeling about it. What’s happening? What are some questions you have?
Then, let each voice respond as if they are answering it from their voice.
Notice the difference between what the inner critic says (writes) and what the inner coach says (writes).
Finally, choose which voice you want to listen to and which voice you want to focus on. Then move forward. Place and intentionally focus on the one that feels good and let the other remain as background noise.